Love 'em or hate 'em, they-a make-a for a prrretty good-a piss-take-a materrrial
Italy Jokes
An Italian riddle - what does FIAT stand for?
Fix it again Tony
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
Frenzied Italians at traffic-lights
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."
"Listen, God is everywhere, trust me, he is absolutely everywhere," the wise old Sicilian priest told little Gianluca, who thought about this for a moment, before grabbing a half-opened matchbox lying on the table, quickly snapped it shut and declared triumphantly: "Got him!!!"
Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous.
But mother reassured her.
"Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"
This Italian bloke had never played golf before and so asked for some tips before starting the game. An American player decided to teach the Italian the proper way to putt a golf ball.
The American said, "You take this stick and hit the balls so that they roll into the hole". The American putted away and sank the ball from 20 feet in a single stroke.
The Italian replied, "In America, you leave your sticka outta and a putta your balls in da hole, but in Italia, we put our sticka inna da hole and leave our balls out"!
A Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, "Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS...and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything.'"
Did you hear about the 21 year old Italian girl who knelt in front of the statue of Madonna?
She said: "You who conceived without sin, let me sin without conceiving!"
How to Impress an Italian Lady:
Wine her, dine her, hug her, support her, compliment her, suprise her, smile at her, hold her, romance her, laugh with her, shop with her, cuddle her, go to the end of the earth for her...
How to Impress an Italian Man:
Show up naked, Bring Beer.
Q. What's an innuendo?
A. An Italian suppository.
A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"
Thursday, 18 January 2007
Sunday, 7 January 2007
Wales and a Crayola New Years Eve
*** Happy New Year ***
29Dec06 - 01Jan07:
A time of festivities and merriment, this New Years celebrations didn't disappoint.
Accepting the invitation from my mate Leanne to spend time with her in Wales and then head off to Cornwall for New Years Eve was one of the best decisions I've ever made this year. This would have to be one of the best NYE's I've ever had. I spent it with relatively recent yet cool friends in the small seaside town of Looe which fully rocked the planet on 31Dec06.
But firstly, joined by fellow Gredos veteran Fletch, he and I got ourselves to Carmarthen Wales, where Leanne was waiting for us in the cheauffeur limosine :) .
Madame butterfly drove us to her relatives place in Mwnt (pronounced Moont), a small village on the coast close to Cardigan.
The drive meandered through picturesque fields, driving by overflowing rivers and period villages. Fletch and I may have been a slight distraction for Leanne as we got a tad lost. With no map handy, the only way to check for directions was...to stop at the nearest pub, have a pint, and ask the locals for directions.
Once back on the road and Leanne got her bearings back, it wasn't long before we were at the cottage in Mwnt.
The hospitality and friendliness was second to none. The small cottage where we stayed at was so quaint with a warm heritage feel, and the surrounding towns and scenery were beautiful.
Leanne being a seasoned "pub crawler" took us to a few "locals" in Cardigan. The pubs are old and have so much character, not to mention the actual locals themselves. I found listening to Uncle Ray's stories and watching the "real" locals walk in and out of the pubs quite fascinating.
Coming to a place like this and seeing the "small town" friendliness is quite refreshing from London's more reserved, if not cold hospitality. It made me miss home.
Saturday morning: After a hearty breakfast where sausages, crumpets, cereals, and toast etc were on offer, and packed our lunch for the "road trip", we had a brief walk around the area where we visited Mwnt church. The siteseeing though was cut dramatically short as it started pissing down with rain. The sprint back to the cottage of course resulted in us getting drenched, but this did not deter us from getting ready for the trip to Cornwall.
Again, a picturesque drive through the Welsh countryside, hitting Bristol to haul-ass on the M4 to Exeter, then had a brief stop in Saltash at a party hire place to get ideas for costumes for New Years Eve. To be frank, I walked out of the shop not feeling very inspired at all. We still had no idea for costumes on NYE.
We made another pit-stop before getting to our final destination - Looe, at a pub which was owned by Leannes' family's friend.
A time of festivities and merriment, this New Years celebrations didn't disappoint.
Accepting the invitation from my mate Leanne to spend time with her in Wales and then head off to Cornwall for New Years Eve was one of the best decisions I've ever made this year. This would have to be one of the best NYE's I've ever had. I spent it with relatively recent yet cool friends in the small seaside town of Looe which fully rocked the planet on 31Dec06.
But firstly, joined by fellow Gredos veteran Fletch, he and I got ourselves to Carmarthen Wales, where Leanne was waiting for us in the cheauffeur limosine :) .
Madame butterfly drove us to her relatives place in Mwnt (pronounced Moont), a small village on the coast close to Cardigan.
The drive meandered through picturesque fields, driving by overflowing rivers and period villages. Fletch and I may have been a slight distraction for Leanne as we got a tad lost. With no map handy, the only way to check for directions was...to stop at the nearest pub, have a pint, and ask the locals for directions.
Once back on the road and Leanne got her bearings back, it wasn't long before we were at the cottage in Mwnt.
The hospitality and friendliness was second to none. The small cottage where we stayed at was so quaint with a warm heritage feel, and the surrounding towns and scenery were beautiful.
Leanne being a seasoned "pub crawler" took us to a few "locals" in Cardigan. The pubs are old and have so much character, not to mention the actual locals themselves. I found listening to Uncle Ray's stories and watching the "real" locals walk in and out of the pubs quite fascinating.
Coming to a place like this and seeing the "small town" friendliness is quite refreshing from London's more reserved, if not cold hospitality. It made me miss home.
Saturday morning: After a hearty breakfast where sausages, crumpets, cereals, and toast etc were on offer, and packed our lunch for the "road trip", we had a brief walk around the area where we visited Mwnt church. The siteseeing though was cut dramatically short as it started pissing down with rain. The sprint back to the cottage of course resulted in us getting drenched, but this did not deter us from getting ready for the trip to Cornwall.
Again, a picturesque drive through the Welsh countryside, hitting Bristol to haul-ass on the M4 to Exeter, then had a brief stop in Saltash at a party hire place to get ideas for costumes for New Years Eve. To be frank, I walked out of the shop not feeling very inspired at all. We still had no idea for costumes on NYE.
We made another pit-stop before getting to our final destination - Looe, at a pub which was owned by Leannes' family's friend.
Conversation is as follows around a table in the pub between me, Leanne and Fletch (not really verbatum):
Leanne: Right guys, lets brainstorm this...I love brainstorming... let's think of what we could go as for New Years Eve, come on guys.....
Fletch: Brainstorming, right, well what we should get is paper and pencil to right down the ideas....
Me: Yeah brainstorm..."pencil and paper"...well....let's go as pencils?.....we could just get coloured cardboard, make a pointy hat etc it's do-able....
Leanne: ....Pencils (said with an inquisitive look)...yeah, pencils....
Fletch: Yeah, Faber Castells!.....
Leanne: Pencils...or crayons! We can go as crayons...Crayola....yeah! what do ya reckon?!
Fletch: Nah, I reckon Faber Castells...
Leanne: Nah, Crayola....whatya reckon?
Me: Crayons...pencils....I reckon crayons would work, yeah....
Fletch: Crayons....
Leanne: Crayons! Fuck yeah, crayons!....all right hahahaha......
.....and the rest, so they say, is history! Click here to see the pictures which tell a thousand words...and then some :) (Below are just some of the photos to give you a taste of the events).
New Years Eve town party, where we got to mix with pirates, the Flintstones, Loony Toons, Mexicans, cowboy-cowgirls, Smurfs and Jedi Knights - just to name a few characters that we brushed by in the pubs and meandered through the streets of Looe.
The icing was put on the cake when my flatmate Marina and mate Phil came to join us in Looe for the celebrations...
Leanne: Right guys, lets brainstorm this...I love brainstorming... let's think of what we could go as for New Years Eve, come on guys.....
Fletch: Brainstorming, right, well what we should get is paper and pencil to right down the ideas....
Me: Yeah brainstorm..."pencil and paper"...well....let's go as pencils?.....we could just get coloured cardboard, make a pointy hat etc it's do-able....
Leanne: ....Pencils (said with an inquisitive look)...yeah, pencils....
Fletch: Yeah, Faber Castells!.....
Leanne: Pencils...or crayons! We can go as crayons...Crayola....yeah! what do ya reckon?!
Fletch: Nah, I reckon Faber Castells...
Leanne: Nah, Crayola....whatya reckon?
Me: Crayons...pencils....I reckon crayons would work, yeah....
Fletch: Crayons....
Leanne: Crayons! Fuck yeah, crayons!....all right hahahaha......
.....and the rest, so they say, is history! Click here to see the pictures which tell a thousand words...and then some :) (Below are just some of the photos to give you a taste of the events).
New Years Eve town party, where we got to mix with pirates, the Flintstones, Loony Toons, Mexicans, cowboy-cowgirls, Smurfs and Jedi Knights - just to name a few characters that we brushed by in the pubs and meandered through the streets of Looe.
The icing was put on the cake when my flatmate Marina and mate Phil came to join us in Looe for the celebrations...
The veterans at Carmarthen Station all charged for the weekend...
...Beautiful Looe...
...crayon making and the NYE party...
...the journey home.
Thursday, 28 December 2006
The orphan xmas
Monday 25Dec06:
This city is weird.
The one day out of the 365 days in the year - this city literally shuts down. No buses, no tubes, no shops, no nothing. Well, with the exception of the aethiest small corner shops, there is no way to get around this city without paying exorbitant taxi fares or supplemented minicabs.
I had to stay over at Leona's place xmas eve so that we could have a leisurely hours walk to Yoko's place the next day.
This is the first christmas I've had that I haven't been around family or old friends. At first this point was a little upsetting, but I spent the day with down-to-earth people who's company I really enjoy.
It was such a leisurely start to the day. The walk to Yoko's was a route via Tower Bridge, granny trolley in tow holding the xmas food we were due to devour for dinner.
Leona, me, Yoko, Sophie and Noely just chilled, watched shows on Sky and generally mucked about. We were joined by Fatima and Noel later in the evening.
Reiterating the point that there is NO transportation on xmas day - sleepover at Yoko's.
Powered over back to Leona' s on boxing day. Helped her put down flooring in her apartment. Jigsaw, hammers, and power tools at hand, we blitzed this room which took all day to do for non-handyman girlies. Being covered in sawdust sent back memories from my previous home renovating the apartment, and the garage full of Damien's tools, bits and bobs.
Our effort in the beginning of the day
Finished result.
This city is weird.
The one day out of the 365 days in the year - this city literally shuts down. No buses, no tubes, no shops, no nothing. Well, with the exception of the aethiest small corner shops, there is no way to get around this city without paying exorbitant taxi fares or supplemented minicabs.
I had to stay over at Leona's place xmas eve so that we could have a leisurely hours walk to Yoko's place the next day.
This is the first christmas I've had that I haven't been around family or old friends. At first this point was a little upsetting, but I spent the day with down-to-earth people who's company I really enjoy.
It was such a leisurely start to the day. The walk to Yoko's was a route via Tower Bridge, granny trolley in tow holding the xmas food we were due to devour for dinner.
Leona, me, Yoko, Sophie and Noely just chilled, watched shows on Sky and generally mucked about. We were joined by Fatima and Noel later in the evening.
Reiterating the point that there is NO transportation on xmas day - sleepover at Yoko's.
Powered over back to Leona' s on boxing day. Helped her put down flooring in her apartment. Jigsaw, hammers, and power tools at hand, we blitzed this room which took all day to do for non-handyman girlies. Being covered in sawdust sent back memories from my previous home renovating the apartment, and the garage full of Damien's tools, bits and bobs.
Our effort in the beginning of the day
Finished result.
Monday, 25 December 2006
Impromptu Marina and Phil day
Saturday 23Dec:
Thought I had plans for tonight but the dates got mixed up, so I spent a lovely day with my new flatmate Marina and her mate Phil.
Got introduced to Church St markets at Lisborn Grove. Local markets with ultra CHEAP fresh produce and general clothes and goods.
In turn, I took them to Kilburn and looked around the cheap shops.
All the while - stressing Leanne again several times on the phone trying to plan what to get to prepare costumes for new years eve.
The bus ride back home resulted in taking the bus straight to Camden to have dinner at Phils place who made a lovely chicken korma, this along with salad, gin and tonic to quench the thurst and everything is golden...
We walked back via Warwick Avenue, past the famous Randolph (Randy) Ave
Thought I had plans for tonight but the dates got mixed up, so I spent a lovely day with my new flatmate Marina and her mate Phil.
Got introduced to Church St markets at Lisborn Grove. Local markets with ultra CHEAP fresh produce and general clothes and goods.
In turn, I took them to Kilburn and looked around the cheap shops.
All the while - stressing Leanne again several times on the phone trying to plan what to get to prepare costumes for new years eve.
The bus ride back home resulted in taking the bus straight to Camden to have dinner at Phils place who made a lovely chicken korma, this along with salad, gin and tonic to quench the thurst and everything is golden...
We walked back via Warwick Avenue, past the famous Randolph (Randy) Ave
Sunday, 24 December 2006
Iceskating at Hampsted Heath
Friday 22Dec:
I may be disgusted by the commercialism of it all, but I like the enthusiasm they have here for christmas and the festive season. The setting is so fitting - cold weather, the reverberation of christmas carols in shopping centres, early darkness to enjoy the pretty lights which line the streets and windows aglow by the christmas tree behind the pane.
I love half days at work.
Today gave me the opportunity to finish my christmas shopping, and I spent alot of this day window shopping to get some ideas for a new years eve costume.
The quandry of deciding whether or not to go as wraped presents-convicts-smurfs-the wiggles etc lead to no decision being made. Particularly after we found out the convict idea was already taken.
It has been quite foggy the last few days, to the extent that it has affected flights in and out of London and Europe.
The fog made my experience iceskating even more enjoyable. A misty, cold night, combined with the exhaustion of trying to stay on the skates and the hilarity of falling over was quality.
The reaction from Leona when her bum was pinched was priceless, I wish I got a photo of that!
The exhaustion didn't stop on the rink. Even though I live around this area I don't really know it that well, and because of the fog it was a bit disorientating.
So with none of us having any sense of direction and not sure of the buses, we hauled our asses up through the streets, stopping at pretty much each street corner to reassess where we were at. We walked past the Heath for a good 45mins, then onto Hampsted Hight St - walking with a random pedestrian (Raj) who pointed us in the right direction, and finishing a lovely asian restaurant Dim T.
The thick mist also affect the photos:
Leona, Yoko and me.
My lovely flatmates Madelaine and Rob (Stewart)
I may be disgusted by the commercialism of it all, but I like the enthusiasm they have here for christmas and the festive season. The setting is so fitting - cold weather, the reverberation of christmas carols in shopping centres, early darkness to enjoy the pretty lights which line the streets and windows aglow by the christmas tree behind the pane.
I love half days at work.
Today gave me the opportunity to finish my christmas shopping, and I spent alot of this day window shopping to get some ideas for a new years eve costume.
The quandry of deciding whether or not to go as wraped presents-convicts-smurfs-the wiggles etc lead to no decision being made. Particularly after we found out the convict idea was already taken.
It has been quite foggy the last few days, to the extent that it has affected flights in and out of London and Europe.
The fog made my experience iceskating even more enjoyable. A misty, cold night, combined with the exhaustion of trying to stay on the skates and the hilarity of falling over was quality.
The reaction from Leona when her bum was pinched was priceless, I wish I got a photo of that!
The exhaustion didn't stop on the rink. Even though I live around this area I don't really know it that well, and because of the fog it was a bit disorientating.
So with none of us having any sense of direction and not sure of the buses, we hauled our asses up through the streets, stopping at pretty much each street corner to reassess where we were at. We walked past the Heath for a good 45mins, then onto Hampsted Hight St - walking with a random pedestrian (Raj) who pointed us in the right direction, and finishing a lovely asian restaurant Dim T.
The thick mist also affect the photos:
Leona, Yoko and me.
My lovely flatmates Madelaine and Rob (Stewart)
